ORLANDO, FL – In a stunning move that has rocked the amusement park world, Universal Studios has announced the acquisition of the entire Six Flags chain. The transaction, for an undisclosed amount, was allegedly orchestrated after Universal Studios management decided that, since they were already becoming more like Six Flags, they might as well “commit” and buy the whole chain. Sean, a well-known theme park insider with an impeccable track record, first broke the news, stating that Universal’s decision was fueled by a fear of missing out on the opportunity to dominate the roller coaster market. It is rumored that…
Author: Thoosie News
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ORLANDO, FL – In a bold and somewhat controversial move, EPCOT has decided to retire its Harmonious nighttime spectacular barges and repurpose them for a more explosive, fan-pleasing event. Reports from the magical world of Disney suggest that the previously adored Harmonious barges are being escorted out back for some good ol’ target practice, all in the name of the prodigious return of the fan-favorite show, ‘Epcot Forever.’ Sources from within the Disney disclosed that after a closed-door meeting with Mickey Mouse and other top executives, a decision was reached to dispose of the Harmonious barges in a blaze of…
Cedar Fair, the multinational amusement park conglomerate, recently shocked the roller coaster world by announcing they will sell off all their parks to finance an all-out coaster war against Six Flags Magic Mountain. The company’s CEO, Richard Amusement (yes, that’s his real name), stated, “It’s an absolute disgrace that Cedar Point has fallen behind. We must reclaim our rightful place as the coaster capital of the world!” In a move that some have dubbed “coastergeddon,” Cedar Fair plans to liquidate parks like Kings Island, Knott’s Berry Farm, and Dorney Park to build new record-breaking roller coasters in their flagship park,…
Anaheim, CA – Just as Disneyland begins to recover from the pandemonium of last week’s epic Fantasyland and Toontown turf war, a new mystery has emerged: the sudden disappearance of beloved characters Chip and Dale. The mischievous chipmunk duo, last seen breakdancing in the fray, have vanished without a trace, leaving park officials and visitors alike scratching their heads. “We realized Chip and Dale were missing after the turf war had ended and everyone had gathered for the group selfie,” said Disney spokesperson Donna Michaels. “At first, we thought they might have just wandered off to get some churros, but…
Anaheim, CA – Disneyland witnessed an uproarious uproar this week as the park’s beloved characters from Fantasyland and Toontown engaged in an 80’s style gang turf war, causing delight and disorder in equal measure among visitors. The hostilities began when Fantasyland’s Peter Pan spray-painted “Neverland 4EVA” on Toontown’s City Hall. In response, Toontown’s most notorious rascal, Roger Rabbit, graffitied “Toon Turf or Bust!” on Cinderella’s Castle, sparking a tit-for-tat exchange that escalated into a full-blown mascot melee. Wearing fingerless gloves and neon leg warmers, the Fantasyland crew, led by a mullet-rocking Peter Pan and a feisty Tinker Bell, faced off…
ORLANDO, FL – In a groundbreaking partnership that has sent the collective taste buds of thrill-seekers and theme park enthusiasts into a frenzy, PepsiCo and Disney have announced a new line of Mountain Dew flavors inspired by some of Disney’s most beloved mountains: Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, and Splash Mountain. “Nothing says ‘magical’ like the electric blue glow of Space Mountain Dew or the fiery orange fizz of Big Thunder Mountain Dew coursing through your veins,” said PepsiCo’s Chief Flavor Engineer, Dr. Blasen VonPop. “And don’t even get me started on the wave of refreshing, questionably-clean water that is…
Hershey, PA – Hersheypark, the sweetest place on Earth, has unveiled a unique and groundbreaking addition to its theme park lineup. The world-famous amusement park proudly announced the grand opening of Eminem World, a land that merges the rap artist Eminem, also known as Slim Shady, with the iconic candy-coated chocolates, M&Ms. Eminem World, a delightful fusion of rap music and chocolatey treats, promises guests an unforgettable journey. The park’s attractions include the highly anticipated “8 Mile” roller coaster, which has already sparked some confusion among visitors. “I don’t get it,” said park guest Max S. “Why is the ‘8…
ANAHEIM, CA – Disney’s new Toontown attraction has conservative groups all in a tizzy, as they grapple with the latest addition to the theme park: a set of rainbow-colored slides designed for children. Part of Goofy’s How-To-Play Yard, the slides have sparked outrage among certain factions, who claim Disney is promoting a liberal agenda by using colors they claim are “too bright” and “too inclusive.” “Disney has crossed a line with these rainbow slides,” said Harold Tightlips, leader of the conservative group, “Parents Against Colorful Playgrounds” (PACP). “Our children are being indoctrinated into accepting all colors, including the controversial indigo.…
ORLANDO, FL; UNIVERSAL CITY, CA — Universal Studios Hollywood and Universal Orlando Resort have teamed up to create the most innovative and spine-chilling haunted house yet: The Anxiety Waiting Room. This terrifying experience is set to take Halloween Horror Nights to a whole new level of psychological torment. The premise of this hauntingly genius attraction is simple: guests will enter one at a time, and take a seat in a painstakingly realistic doctor’s office waiting room. Background sounds of hushed coughs, distant paper rustling, and the occasional faint beeping will accompany the ever-present ticking of a sinister clock. Susan Williams,…
BURBANK, CA — In a recent interview, former Disney CEO Bob Chapek has staunchly defended EPCOT’s widely-criticized nighttime spectacular, ‘Harmonious,’ asserting that it was an outstanding addition to the park’s history despite the backlash from fans and theme park enthusiasts. The ‘Harmonious’ spectacular debuted in 2021 as part of EPCOT’s transformation efforts, aiming to celebrate the park’s diverse cultural heritage through a blend of music, visuals, and pyrotechnics. However, the show quickly drew criticism for its perceived lack of thematic cohesion, overreliance on Intellectual Properties, and the obstructive and unsightly barges installed for the spectacle. Chapek, who is no longer…