ORLANDO, FL – In a groundbreaking partnership that has sent the collective taste buds of thrill-seekers and theme park enthusiasts into a frenzy, PepsiCo and Disney have announced a new line of Mountain Dew flavors inspired by some of Disney’s most beloved mountains: Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, and Splash Mountain.
“Nothing says ‘magical’ like the electric blue glow of Space Mountain Dew or the fiery orange fizz of Big Thunder Mountain Dew coursing through your veins,” said PepsiCo’s Chief Flavor Engineer, Dr. Blasen VonPop. “And don’t even get me started on the wave of refreshing, questionably-clean water that is Splash Mountain Dew.”
The announcement has already sparked heated debates among Disney fanatics about which of the new flavors will reign supreme. The race to the top of the mountainous Dew has begun.
Space Mountain Dew, described as an “intergalactic cosmic berry explosion,” comes complete with phosphorescent food coloring that’s guaranteed to leave your tongue glowing in the dark for a minimum of 48 hours. Parents are advised to keep their children away from mirrors, as the ensuing terror may cause a lifetime aversion to neon blue.
Big Thunder Mountain Dew, inspired by the wild and untamed frontier, boasts a cinnamon-infused, gold-specked concoction that will make you feel like you’ve struck liquid gold. As the shimmering gold particles cling to your teeth and gums, you’ll be left with a dazzling smile that screams, “I’m ready for my close-up with Goofy!”
Lastly, Splash Mountain Dew offers a refreshing, minty burst that will leave you feeling like you’ve plunged into a pool of ice-cold, chlorine-infused water. This unique flavor profile is rounded off with a hint of subtle log flume grease, transporting you straight to the heart of Disney’s famous ride.
With each soda sporting a limited edition can featuring the corresponding attraction’s iconic imagery, collectors are already scrambling to hoard these fizzy works of art.
When questioned about the potential health concerns associated with these new, highly experimental flavors, Dr. VonPop responded, “We’re all about creating memories here, and what’s more memorable than a neon blue tongue and a caffeine-infused sprint around the Magic Kingdom? As for any other health concerns, hakuna matata!”
While some critics argue that the partnership between Pepsi and Disney is nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to cash in on the nostalgia of Disney devotees, there’s no denying that the new Mountain Dew line offers a unique way to experience Disney’s most thrilling rides from the comfort of your own home – or at least, from the comfort of your own bathroom floor.
